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A retired husband

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    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
    get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
    loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

    Dear Mrs. Harris ,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
    our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
    of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are
    listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of con*doms and randomly put them in other
    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ??? women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
    Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management
    to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by.

    6.. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were

    9... September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
    a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he

    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..

    11... October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
    by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
    assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

    15.. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toil*et paper in here.'

    One of the clerks passed out.




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        I'm thinking of doing that now Jonin, my wife and mother in law drive me nuts when they go into any of the large stores, I often find myself acting like a child and swinging the basket back and forth or casually browsing some of the women's garments to stop my brain numbing only to find they have moved to another part of the store and I'm left, all alone, browsing through women's clothes with other women, shuffling their way around me :girl_cray2: :girl_cray2: :girl_cray2:

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            Nice one Jon (again)!

            Marko, my solution is to only agree to go shopping, if there is a suitable "creche" nearby.

            Suitable creches include Curry's/PC World, Maplins, Staples, Apple Store, John Lewis (Tech. dept.) and similar. Unfortunately the number of suitable creches is constantly reducing, includind the recent demise of Comet and Jessops.

            Once the all go, then no more shopping for me. :unknown:

            Edited by jayesstee, 26 April 2013 - 05:33 PM.




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                Oh for the days again Jayesstee...

                We used to have a store called Computer City Superstore...the absolute perfect usage of these three words. Inside it was Willy Wonka and Toys R Us all put together. I couldn't afford anything but mousepads and occasionally a box of floppies, so it was more than a bit of torment to be there, but wow the wonder in those days of 486 computers. I really miss the aftermarket brands and branding we had in the day, although I am happy there still are some.

                Yep...we still got BestBuy for PCs, but that's about it. No more CCSS, or CompUSA, or Circuit City, or any of the other tech wonderlands.


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